


everything i've ever wanted

by icameheretosuffer



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Childhood Friends, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, Graduation, Human Catra (She-Ra), Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Inferiority Complex, Lesbian Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, POV Catra (She-Ra), Rivalry, School, Short One Shot, she-ra school au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25404073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icameheretosuffer/pseuds/icameheretosuffer
Summary: “I had a dream, I got everything I wanted. But when I wake up, I see you with me.”CATRA POV | CATRADORA SCHOOL AUPreview:We started watching the series she picked out, but I keep focusing on how her face looked so beautiful. Looks like I won't be able to give some good commentaries this time. I want to remember her face. After this week, I might not meet her for a long period of time, or ever.  But instead of trying to be courageous to tell her that she gives me butterflies in my stomach, what I'm trying to do is beating her in the honor roll. When I think about it like that, I just wanna give the whole world a big 'fuck you.' I keep fighting her, but why do I want to fight all the odds so I could be with her?
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra)
Kudos: 30
Collections: She-Ra 2018





	everything i've ever wanted

**Author's Note:**

> hiii guys! this is my first time writing in ao3 so if there are any mistakes or if you want to suggest some tricks/tips, don't hesitate to let me know!! i haven't written a fic in a looong time so this might be shitty >_<. this is actually part of an event curated by @lesbjancatra on twitter called SPOP Positivity Week. for the first day, we have #SheRaSchool. i recommend you to join in! also if you want, you can follow me on twitter; @aloofmess for future fic updates or for silly tweets. tnx for reading!!

Beating Adora Rainbowfist means everything to me. I have been longing for the sweet taste of victory ever since we were kids. It was everything I’ve ever wanted. 

Adora and I are childhood friends, we’ve been classmates ever since I knew the concept of time. Being classmates, we were always fighting for the first spot in the honor roll. But it seems like in every single step I take, Adora already took 50 ahead of me. I’m happy for her. I really am. But no one can blame me for the pain I feel knowing that I wasn't enough to be better than her. I want to be better than her, I want to prove a point, I want to be adored, I want to prove HER wrong...

And by her, I mean my adoptive mother.

-flashback-

I'm in 6th grade and I came home after a very tiring awarding ceremony at school. As always, I've landed on the second spot; Adora being first. It was always like that... I always knew that she was better than me. I'm actually starting to get used to it, I'm starting to accept it. But SHE can't... I wonder how I'm gonna tell her.

I enter the living room after changing into more comfortable clothing. Shadow Weaver is sitting on the couch, drinking wine, getting drunk for the millionth time. I gulp for the upcoming consequences emanating from her inebriated state. But like everything else, I'm used to it. 

"So how was the ceremony, Catra?" She didn't even look at me when she asked.

"I... I was second in my class." I start to quiver, preparing for the wave of emotional abuse that she will cause me.

"AGAIN?!" She stood up and my defenses crumbled by her groggy booming voice. It's evident in her voice that she's very, very drunk.  
"I did not raise you to do mediocre work and bring our family down to the ashes!! YOU. HAVE. TO. BEAT. ADORA."

"But Adora is my friend! I'm very proud of what she achieved. I want to support her but you keep holding me back! I... I'm sick of this expectation, top student complex. Stop living your life vicariously through me." I mustered all the courage I had, just to say those words to her. It was the first time I ever stood up for myself. And the last....

Shadow Weaver threw her wine glass to the floor, and I shiver by the jarring sound of glass colliding against the tile, breaking into tiny useless fragments. She moves closer to me then harshly grabs my chin. "Y-You're... Hurting me, mother..." I manage to croak out after a series of gasps.

"Don't call me mother unless you muster up the willpower to be a better child." She holds my chin even tighter.

"P-Please... I... I did... My best... I'm s-sorry...." Tears start to fall from the corners of my eyes.

"I raised you, provided you with food, water, money, and a house. Beat Adora. Or I will throw you back where you came from." She then roughly let go of my chin, leaving the room. But not without another jabbing sentence. "Don't forget to clean that mess."

Right there, in that very moment, although it was fairly bright; I felt darkness reside in me. I felt toxicity consume my very being. I must defeat Adora. I must make my mother proud.

-end flashback-

I enter the school gates, prepared for the challenges I will have to face for today. We're in our last week of high school and I'm certain that Adora and I will go our separate ways. This is my last chance to beat her. I ignore the empathy and love that I have for my best friend, I must keep my head in the game and do what it takes to get the validation I want from my mother.

I sigh, having mixed feelings of relief and longing. My thoughts were interrupted by a body clashing towards my side, and an arm wrapping around my shoulders.

"Good morning Catra! Are you ready to face the last week of hell?!" Adora cheerfully greets me.

I notice her. I noticed how good she looked today, how her outfit suits her body. I noticed her sparkling eyes, her lips... And I notice that infuriating hair poof that I will never admit is cute. It's my last week being her classmate. I don't know if I should be sad or happy.

I glare at her, pushing her away from me. She's very infuriating but she still makes me smile.

"I have no choice but to face hell." I tell her.

"You're right. But do you wanna hang out at my place after class?"

I think for a bit. "Can't. I have to study. It's the last week, after all."

"Come on, I already know you'll do well!"

But Shadow Weaver doesn't... 

Although I have to work extra harder, hanging out with Adora never fails to attract me. So I cave in.

"Will Bow and Glimmer be there?" I asked curiously.

Adora grinned excitedly before answering my question, clearly happy with the fact that I agreed to hang out with her. "I don't think so. Tonight's their weekly date night, soooo..." 

"Glimbow IS the ultimate power couple."

"Agreed."

-

After classes, Adora and I made our way to her house. We hang out frequently to the point that rumors of us being in a relationship persistently surfaced in the school. I wouldn't say that I haven't thought about Adora being my girlfriend, but I also wouldn't say that us being a part of a romantic relationship is possible. After all, she's my rival first, friend second. 

My thoughts have been overpowered by Adora (for the bazillionth time this day) as I see her in casual clothes rather than a tacky school uniform. I always see her in casual clothes, but it never gets old for me. Like in every other aspect, Adora has made me powerless. I try to convince myself that I don't have romantic feelings for her, but every single time, it doesn't work. I always get punched by how much of an amazing person she is.

I never wanted to compete with her. I want to be by her side as she triumphs over all the odds. I want... To be with her. I want to love her. And I want her to love me too.

"I recently found a potentially good series and I didn't start watching it yet. I wanted to watch it with you. I mean, you always have good commentaries." Adora lays on her stomach atop her bed, next to me. I try to hide how flustered I am as her skin comes into contact with mine.

"I can't deny that I am brilliant." 

"That, you are." She chuckles. 

I am lovestruck.

We started watching the series she picked out, but I keep focusing on how her face looked so beautiful. Looks like I won't be able to give some good commentaries this time. I want to remember her face. After this week, I might not meet her for a long period of time, or ever. But instead of trying to be courageous to tell her that she gives me butterflies in my stomach, what I'm trying to do is beating her in the honor roll. When I think about it like that, I just wanna give the whole world a big 'fuck you.' I keep fighting her, but why do I want to fight all the odds so I could be with her?

But then again, I'm the one who makes my moves. I'm in charge of my whole fate. I shouldn't let some drunkard who fails at being a mother figure take control of my fate. The thing is, I could release myself from the chains that bind me. I am not my mother's puppet. Shadow Weaver hasn't even acted as a mother to me, not even once. So why should I follow her orders? Because she provided me with basic human needs? I could bet that she made me go through more emotional abuse than give me those actual things.

I have to figure myself out. I can get myself out of this mess.

"-because it seems like he's stuck in a spiral in his own mind, and this whole series is just a metaphor for that. Am I right, Catra? .....Catra?"

I'm reminded that I'm actually watching SOMETHING and that Adora is actually right beside me.

"You weren't paying attention, were you?" Adora paused the series. "Is something wrong?"

I stay silent.

"Catra, you know well that you can always talk to me."

"Not this time, Adora."

Not this time...

*time skip - graduation day*

Beating Adora is all I've ever wanted. 

But I failed.

I don't know what comes next, but I sure know that this news won't make Shadow Weaver happy. In addition to that, I also didn't have the guts to tell Adora how I really feel about her. Way to go, Catra.

Shadow Weaver did not attend my graduation. She never does, but somehow, when they announced that I landed the second spot (as usual), I can feel her cold-hearted glare on me. I can feel her brutal hits even if they never landed on me yet. 

After the ceremony, Adora gave me a long hug... Which had me dazed for a few seconds.

She looked at me. "Hey Catra. Don't miss me too much."  
"We'll see each other again. I'm sure of it." She smiled.

Hope entered into my sight, but I didn't want to immediately believe it. It was simply too good to be true.

Then it started to rain. On graduation day. They say the rain is a symbol of incoming blessings, but I feel like doom is what's waiting for me on this foggy road that I chose.

I'm scared.

-

I arrived at the dump called "home," which I never really considered as home. I'm not prepared to face the consequences, but I have no choice. Still in my graduation gown, I prepare (not really) to tell Shadow Weaver the news.

She's drinking again. I'm not surprised.

"I'm the Salutatorian." I say it out loud, straightforward. But the straightforwardness is laden with obvious fear.

Silence.

The calm before the storm.

"I am disappointed in you."

That's all she said. But pain shoots right through me.

"You are a worthless daughter."

I expected this to happen, but why do I feel surprised and so, so, hurt?

"Leave."

I can't move.

"I said-"

"I'm done. I don't care."

"Excuse me?"

"Throw all your hurtful words at me. Tell me I'm disappointing, and watch those words describe who you are instead. Being my mother wasn't your intention, was it? If you can't accept me for who I am, and what I'm able to do, that's okay. I'll leave, because I can't accept nor comprehend that you only raised me to be a puppet. I'm a Salutatorian, and I'm proud of that."

She moves closer to me. I gulp and continue talking.  
"I'm proud of all my hardships."

"Hardships?" She laughs bitterly. "I see now why you can't beat Adora." She moves even closer, slowly. Like a predator about to pounce on its prey. "You're not enough."

I freeze for a second.

Then I remember her. I remember Adora.

She raises her hand toward me but I caught it.

"You keep instilling these toxic words into my brain, pretending that you know what's best for me but what you didn't know is that the real reason why I can't beat Adora is because it's not what I want. It's not what I ever wanted. So, thank you for keeping me alive but I will never forgive you for what you put me through." 

I let go of her hand.

I cried.

I left.

If Shadow Weaver won't show an ounce of love for me, then I'll stop trying. All I'm doing is hurting myself in the process.

My graduation gown was soaked as I cried with the sky and ran away from Shadow Weaver, my feet taking me to my real destination; Adora.

I aggressively knocked on her door, tears streaming down my face.

"Adora... I-I'm sorry... I never wanted to deliberately.... Shadow Weaver... I..."

"Catra?! Wha-"

"I'm s-sorry..."

"Shhh... Don't cry."

"I was scared...."

"You shouldn't be. I'm here. I'm right here."

"I don't wanna do this anymore."

"Then stop. It's okay. You're in control. Stay with me."

"I'm not enough..."

She hugged me.

"You're more than enough to me."

I'm safe.

"Adora... Don't leave me."

She hugged me tighter. The butterflies in my stomach doubled in number. I feel warm. I feel home. Adora caresses my hair.

Then she pulled away. I longed for her embrace but I know I shouldn't be scared because Adora is the one permanent thing in my life.

"You know that I'll never leave you, Catra. I love you too much."

I was dazed.

We were dazed.

"Let's get you inside. You might catch a cold." She said with a smile, pulling me inside the house.  
"We'll talk about what happened. For now, just know that I'm right here. You shouldn't be scared. You don't need to be.... Not anymore."

Then we both smiled.

I feel emancipated. I didn't have to pretend anymore. This is my triumph.

Right there, in that very moment, although it was fairly gloomy; I felt light and hope reside in me. I felt love consume my very being.

And I realized it.

This is everything I've ever wanted.


End file.
